WTF is a Five-Paragraph Essay?

Well, a five-paragraph essay is basically a shibboleth. It separates the sheep from the goats. It's a necessary evil that English teachers (who abhor it) have to teach to break down for the masses what is essentially an unteachable skill. Ever heard of Strunk and White? Ever heard the term je ne sais quoi? The two are related: The Elements of Style (written by William Strunk Jr. and Elwyn Brooks White) is all about je ne sais quoi. I read a bit of that text very recently. I laughed and laughed... It, too, teaches the unteachable, just like the five-paragraph essay.

I offer those five paragraphs freely to my students in the hope that they will get so absolutely sick of its formulas that they'll be driven to bust themselves out. Only by creativity can they achieve this. That's the shibboleth part. The sheep bust out. The goats remain. 

I'll give you some specifics. The five-paragraph essay has the following:

Introduction

This says what the topic is in general and then tapers to a more focused statement of what specific idea within that topic the author (student) wants to present or argue. That tapered idea also goes by the name of Thesis Statement, and is usually the final sentence of the introduction. 

3 Body Paragraphs

These three distinct paragraphs tout three distinct yet related ideas somehow splintered from the thesis. Each contains a topic sentence, a discussion in support of the statement made in said topic sentence, and a concluding statement. 

Conclusion

This undoes the splintering that took place when forming the three body paragraphs. The reintegrated ideas take on a new form--no longer are they being presented as new, but as a fully understood complex of concepts that strongly support any claim that was made in the thesis. It rests the writer's case, bringing everything to a close in a systematic, yet creative and satisfying manner.

This is good enough for high school English, freshman composition, or even English 101. If you get sick of it, break out of it. Create something new, fresh, and interesting.